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Modern Drabbles
Darcy & Elizabeth
Ho, ho, huh?
"Merry Christmas,
darling!" cried Elizabeth Darcy as she handed her husband
a present. They were celebrating in their London penthouse condo
rather than at Pemberley this year.
William Darcy smiled
at his wife, spectacular in her newest diamond necklace and cashmere
robe. "Thank you… socks?"
"Yes. They're
a silk blend. Over-the-calf style."
He held them up.
"These are old men's socks! Look how long they are!"
"Mmm hmmm."
She crawled into his lap. "Do you like them? They're very
soft."
"Lizzy! I'm
worth over 350 million pounds! And you buy me socks?"
She stoked his chin.
"I got tired of you ruining my stockings when we play."
He looked into her
sparkling eyes. "So…these are really for you?"
"They're for
both of us." And she proceeded to give the man who
has everything his real Christmas present.
Choices
"Going up,
sir?" asked the attendant.
"Top floor."
Darcy's voice was bitter. Breakfast with Lizzy was bad.
"William!
Are you going into the office today? It's Saturday!"
"Lizzy,
I've got to review the documents on the merger with Delaford
Industries. The markets…"
"Today's
is Colin's football match. He so wanted you to be there."
"I know…but
this is business. He'll understand."
"Can't you
let your people run Pemberley Corp. without you looking over
their shoulders once in awhile? You tell everyone what good people
you've hired..."
"Lizzy,
look - I've got a responsibility to the shareholders; to the
employees; to you, as well. Their lives - our lives -
are dependant upon me making the right decisions. My personal
life comes last."
"Including
your family!"
"Come now,
that's unfair! Didn't we jet over to Orlando this summer?"
"If you
think spending a week with Mickey makes up for your…abandonment
of your family…"
"Lizzy!"
"…you've
got another think coming!"
"Stop the lift!"
The attendant hit
the emergency stop. He pulled out his Blackberry. "Mrs.
Reynolds, cancel my meetings for today. Go home." To the
attendant: "Down, please." I have just enough time
to make the match.
Who Are You?
The spaghetti dinner
done and two bottles of Chianti dead, the Bennet girls sat with
their boyfriends in the den, working on a third bottle, and discussing…superheroes.
"Wonder Woman
- that's who'd I be!" cried Lizzy, her eyes flashing. "She's
almost as strong as Superman! With her Magic Lasso and Invisible
Plane…Yeah!"
You've got the
body for it, babe,
thought Will as he remembered Linda Carter.
"I've always
liked Jean Grey," said Jane. "I like the idea of moving
things around with a thought. How about you, Charles?"
"Well,"
Charles started sheepishly, "I think I'd be The Shadow.
You know: 'Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men…?'"
Jane and Lizzy started giggling.
"I'd be Barb
Wire!" yelled Lydia from the kitchen.
"You don't
have the boobs for it," challenged Kitty.
"Do so!"
"Falsies don't
count!"
While her sisters
continued to argue, Lizzy turned to Will next to her. "How
'bout you, Will? Wait - I know! You'd be Batman! Yeah, you'd
be my Dark Knight, huh, baby?"
As the yelling escalated
in the kitchen, Will said softly, "Actually, I would love
to be the Invisible Man right about now."
The Night Disco
Died
On a warm early
September night in 1978, Will Darcy walked into the Welcome Freshman
dance at Meryton University. A first year MBA student at the
university's Pemberley School of Business, he wondered for the
fifth time why Charles dragged him to this thing. That was until
he saw a vision across the room, stranding next to Charles's
girlfriend Jane.
"Hey!"
cried his fraternity brother, "there's Jane! C'mon, Will."
"I don't know.
Why don't you go without me? I don't feel like dancing."
"Aw, c'mon,
Will! Loosen up a bit!" Charles grabbed his arm and the
two of them made their way through the crowd.
"Hey, baby,"
Jane greeted Charles with a kiss. "You brought Oscar the
Grouch, I see. Will, this is my sister, Elizabeth. She's an incoming
Freshman Education Major."
"Hello,"
said Elizabeth. Will just grunted; he was too busy taking her
in. The curly brown hair hung loose below her shoulders. Unlike
almost everyone else, including her sister, she was wearing jeans,
a t-shirt and sneakers. Just like me. Does she hate disco
as much as I do?
Just then the DJ
put on the Bee Gee's Saturday Night Fever. "Oh, God…"
Elizabeth mumbled as Charles and Jane took to the floor.
"Not much of
a disco fan?" asked Will.
"Nah - give
me Aerosmith any day. How about you? Do you dance?"
"Any savage
can dance…" Will's words died as he saw that pest,
Billy Collins, take to the floor in his best John Travolta imitation.
Elizabeth started to giggle at Collins' gyrations as Will observed,
"…or maybe not."
The Putting Lesson
Elizabeth Darcy
walked out of Pemberley, located on the central California coastline
south of Carmel, to watch her husband practice on the putting
green installed near the patio. She had a request.
"William, I
want you to teach me golf."
Darcy looked up
from his putting. "No."
"What? Why?"
"Because I
don't want a divorce."
"William!"
"Seriously,
honey - if you want to learn I'll set up lessons with the pro
at our club back in LA. But please don't ask me to teach you.
You know how exacting I can be. I tried to teach Gerorgie how
to play - I don't think she'll ever forgive me."
"Well, will
you show how to putt?"
"Okay."
William walked over to his practice bag and pulled a PING B62
from his collection of putters. "Try this one."
"It doesn't
look like yours. It's… normal."
"Ha ha ha.
Okay, you hold it like this…" Darcy demonstrated a
basic putting grip and stance. Lizzy tried to copy him, but her
putts were flying all over the place. "No, honey - let me
show you…"
Darcy stood behind
his wife and grasped the putter over her hands. "See? Now
bend over…you swing like a clock's pendulum… Lizzy,
you've got to straighten your back…."
She did so, which
forced her backside… back. "Oh…!"
"Umm…
you weren't supposed to notice that…"
"How can I
not, big boy?"
"Lizzy, come
on… I'm trying to show you how to putt here."
She dropped the
putter. "I think there's another club I'd rather
play with."
Fore!
The foursome stood
on the first tee box, doing what golfers all over the world do
- set the bet for the round. "Five Dollar Nassau, Buford
- that's it," said William Darcy.
"Okay. Man,
for a rich guy you can be cheap. How 'bout ten bucks on the longest
drive here?"
William got a gleam
in his eye. "Closest to the center of the green?"
"Yeah,"
answered John Buford.
"Okay - it's
your hill."
Buford smacked his
TaylorMade R7 driver on a 310-yard left-to-right power fade to
the first cut of rough, about 155 yards to the green. "Yeah!
Let the Big Dog eat!!" Buford cried as he returned to the
cart.
"Great shot,
baby," said Georgiana.
Darcy nodded, then
pulled his PING G5 3-wood. His shot landed in the left-center
of the fairway, 170 yards out. Elizabeth smiled - she knew her
husband's game as well as he did, and knew 170 yards was right
in the wheelhouse of a smooth 7-iron. Birdie time, honey.
"Ha! Pay up,
Darce!"
"Not so fast,
John - the ladies have to hit."
Buford had a smirk
on his face as Georgie and Lizzy moved from the tips to the forward
tees. Georgie's tee shot barely went 160 yards. Then Elizabeth
walked up. Darcy watched expectantly. Since picking up the game
two years ago, Lizzy was a solid 10-handicap. With a deceivably
slow swing - just like the pro taught her - she laced her custom-made
PING G5 drive straight down the fairway, rolling right over the
150-yard mark.
Lizzy and William
touched knuckles as she returned to the cart. "You win,
honey."
"Hey! The forward
tees are fifty yards closer!" cried Buford.
"'Closest to
the center of the green,' Johnny," Lizzy reminded him. "I
play last. Pay up."
Bliss
Lizzy, Jane and
Georgie lay contently, absolutely convinced their husbands were
insane. When the boys announced this joint vacation, the girls
put their collective foot down. Yes, they would agree to go on
a golf vacation to Scottsdale, as long as the resort had a spa.
Now, completely
encased in mud, all the tensions of everyday life seemed to flow
by. Why in the world would the guys run around in the Arizona
heat chasing little white balls rather than experience this bliss?
"I think,"
said Elizabeth Darcy, "tomorrow I'll get the hot stone treatment."
"Sounds dreamy,"
agreed Jane Bingley. "The guys are stupid not to try this."
"I don't know,"
said Georgiana Buford. "Do you think you could relax if
you knew your husband was next to you, naked, covered just with
mud? I know if it was John…" She shivered.
Lizzy looked at
Jane. Maybe Georgie had a point.
I think I'll
get one of these mud baths for Pemberley, thought Lizzy. One built for two.
Others
Let Me Take You
to the Sea Shore
Two lovers were
walking hand-in-hand along the Malibu shoreline, taking in the
fine late-summer's night and reveling in each other's company.
After all, the kids were with a sitter.
"Johnny,"
sighed the woman, "Do you remember the last time we were
together outside late at night?"
John Buford smiled
in remembrance and turned to his companion. Georgiana, his wife
of less than one year, was incredibly lovely in her blue-&-gold
bikini, with a gauzy blue sarong wrapped about her slim hips.
"I sure do, babe. I fell out of an airplane into the Arizona
desert right into your loving arms."
"That's not
all you fell into, lover," she grinned.
"I wouldn't
call that falling, Georgie."
"What would
you call it?"
He looked around.
"How's about I show you? You know, to remind you."
"Here?"
She eyes shown in lust and excitement. "Would you dare?"
"For you -
anything…" As he claimed her lips with his own, his
hands reached around and undid her top. For her part, Georgie
was tugging on his shorts…
******
"I'm back,
babe," Buford called out as he entered the house.
"Do you have
the stuff?" Georgie asked from the bedroom.
He handed her a
tube of ointment. "Dr. Robin claims this will clear the
bites right up."
"God, I hope
so," she sighed as she unceremoniously began applying the
salve to her effected regions. "There's one advantage the
desert has over the beach, Johnny - no sand fleas."
In the Heart
of the City
(Crossover)
Marianne and Anne
took their coffees to a table while Elizabeth waited for her
double chocolate latte.
"Anne,"
said Marianne in a low voice, "explain something to me."
She glanced at their friend at the counter before continuing.
"What's up with Lizzy? I know dating a superhero is tough
- hell, you and I certainly know that! But…Dr. Will Darcy?
Mr. Elastic?"
"I don't follow,
Marianne."
"Look - you're
involved with Fred "Prince Polaris" Wentworth. He can
control the ocean with a wave of his hand. I'm dating Chris "Colonel
Britain" Brandon. With his Sword of Justice and his Shield
of Democracy, he's the best hand-to-hand fighter in the world!"
"And he looks
yummy in his kilt."
"Focus, Anne!
The point is that both our boyfriends are cute and powerful!
Lizzy and…Darcy? He's really handsome, I grant you that,
and really smart… but… Anne, he stretches! He's a human
rubber band!"
"I heard she
chose Will over Giorgio "The Roman Candle" Wickham."
"See! Giorgio's
hot in more ways than one! How do you pick a bungee cord over
a hottie like that?"
"Easy."
The girls turned
and to their mortification saw Lizzy grinning at them. "Mr.
Elastic can stretch more than his hands, Marianne. You
ought to see what he can do with his bunchage!"
Turn of the Century
(Brandon & Marianne - S&S)
Christopher Brandon
awoke to the sound of the clock radio on the bedside table in
his hotel room on the first morning of his honeymoon. He glanced
at his bride beside him.
A morning came,
a smile upon her face.
He looked around
-
Caesar's Palace.
- the sun was just
peaking though the windows -
Morning glory.
- while the radio
was going on about the Y2K scare.
Silly human race.
Chris switched off
the annoying thing, surprised that he had accidentally turned
the alarm on the night before, hoping he hadn't awaked Marianne.
He was wrong.
"Hello, love,"
she said sleepily.
"Hello, yourself.
I'm sorry about the radio."
"Yours is no
disgrace - I'm the one who set it."
"You? But why?"
"Because I
wanted to see my new husband in the heart of the sunrise of the
first day of the new millennium." Marianne had insisted
that they elope to Las Vegas to begin the twenty-first century
as man and wife.
"Are you happy,
my love?" asked Chris tenderly.
"How could
I not be? A clearer future, morning, evening, nights with you.
What more could I want?"
"I certainly
led you on a long distance runaround."
"I have to
admit your roundabout ways drove me close to the edge, sometimes."
Mari noticed Chris' pained expression and she reached out to
him. "Don't surround yourself with yourself. We're not at
the gates of delirium. We must have waited all our lives for
this moment."
He kissed the fingers
stoking his cheek. "I think about yesterday. Was it sun
through the haze that made all your looks as warm as moonlight?"
She smiled. "Now
that it's all over and done? Now that you find…now that
you're whole?"
"We walk hands
in the sun - make memories when we're young - you and I."
He kissed her deeply.
Love lingers so.
~~~
With apologies
to Jon Anderson
If It Doesn't
Come Naturally, Leave It
(Edward & Elinor - S&S)
Edward Ferris was
packing for his overseas trip, his wife sitting on the bed, watching.
"Where are
you going?" Elinor asked her lawyer husband.
"Saudi Arabia.
The world goes to Riyadh, it seems sometimes."
"And…is
she going with you?"
"You mean Lucy
Steele?"
Elinor nodded. "It's
real and unreal that you're still working with her. Her briefs
are so poor - it's like an artist that paints by numbers!"
"What is this
- the year of the cat? Sheath the claws, sweetheart. Lucy may
have a bad reputation inside the firm, but clients seem to love
her bullshit. She's got a license to steal."
"As long as
it's your work they see," Elinor reminded him. "I
can't forget that almost Lucy…"
"No way, Elinor.
There was no way I was marring her, no matter what she claimed.
I - Love - You. Period. Let's not crash on these midnight rocks."
She sighed. "Time
passages, but it doesn't come any easier."
They were interrupted
by a car horn honking. "It's my ride to the airport,"
Edward said as he zipped his suitcase shut. "Let's see -
briefcase, tickets, passport, laptop and luggage. I'm set."
He embraced his wife.
"Don't forget
me," she murmured into his shoulder.
"Elinor, my
love, it's not possible. You're on my mind like a song on the
radio."
~~~
With apologies
to Al Stewart
I Wouldn't Want
To Be Like You
(Edmund & Mary - MP)
Edmund Bertram,
a CPA with Mansfield Consulting, was just finishing up his work
for the day. The Yates Foundation audit had taken over a month
to complete, but now he was done. He was walking to his Chevy
in the dimly lit parking lot when he noticed a thin form in a
short dress next to it.
"Hello, Edmund,"
the woman said.
"Mary - what
do you want?" he asked his former girlfriend, Mary Crawford.
"I thought
we'd get a drink, maybe dinner."
"I'd be damned
if I do," he shot back with some vengeance.
"Don't hold
back, lover."
"Look, Mary,
I made myself clear the last time I talked to you. You lie down
with dogs, you're gonna get you're fingers burned. Henry's bad
news - he ripped off Yates to the tune of a cool million. There
may be a price to pay for that, don't you think?"
Mary shook her head.
"You don't believe Henry or I had anything to do with that,
do you? It's a mistake - he's been set up. If I could change
your mind about us…"
"There you
go, winding me up. Forget about it; I'm sick of these games people
play. I'm not changing my conclusions. Henry's going to jail."
He shook his head. "You've dancing on a high wire, lady,
but you're headed for a breakdown. Step by step…when are
you going to get a clue and stop protecting your brother?"
Mary stared at him
with snake eyes. She had nothing left to lose. "Can the
psychobabble. Why don't you look at the real world for once?
I'm driving a BMW, while you're in this crappy Chevy."
"I'm done with
this conversation," Edmund said. "Let me go home."
"What? To Fanny?
That little nothing?" She grew closer. "You know how
I can make you happy, Edmund…"
"Hell, I'm
just a mouse to you, aren't I? Something to toy with. That's
not how Fanny treats me - she loves and respects me for who and
what I am. I'd rather be a man with her than a plaything with
you. Understand this - nothing's changed since the last goodbye."
With that he got
into his car and pulled out of the lot. Mary watched him disappear
as he drove down Ammonia Avenue.
~~~
With apologies
to Alan Parsons
Love Will Keep
Us Alive
(Henry & Catherine - NA)
Cathy Moreland walked
from her cabin to the corral of the Hotel California Dude Ranch.
As she expected, sitting on the top rail watching the sun set,
the colors of a Tequila Sunrise in the air, was a tall man in
western garb. He was no urban cowboy; his beat-up cowboy hat
sat on the top of his head like it was a part of him.
Cathy glanced at
the other girls milling around the bunkhouse, pretty maids all
in a row, whispering and giggling to each other. Cathy screwed
up her courage and approached the man.
"Hank, I'm
sorry…I'm real sorry…"
Hank Tilney, son
of the owner of the ranch, glanced at her. "Take it easy,
Cathy. No lasting harm done. Get over it."
"I can't. I'm
so sorry about the things I said about your dad. I've been a
real witchy woman."
"Cathy,"
he started, before turning to the horizon again, "In the
long run, it doesn't matter. Dad's a hard man, and he's rubbed
people the wrong way all his life. He's no desperado - he never
hurt my momma - but I can see how you could think of him that
a'way."
"But I can't
tell you why I blabbed all those accusations! Or why you're so
set on forgiving me!"
"Can't you?"
He slid off the railing and took her into his arms. "Ain't
gonna be no heartache tonight, Cathy. You should know you've
got the best of my love."
Cathy could see
there were no lyin' eyes in his face. "So do you."
He kissed her. "Will
you stay here with me? Get away from that life in the fast lane
in the city?"
She smiled. "I'm
already gone, Hank."
He laughed. "One
of these nights, babe, we're gonna take it to the limit."
They kissed again, and a peaceful easy feeling enveloped them
both. Cathy smiled knowingly as she took his hand in the dusk.
"What'cha waitin'
for, cowboy? This feels like wasted time."
~~~
With apologies
to The Eagles
The End
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